Self-regulation for Success

"The term self-regulation(sometimes also called executive function) refers to the capacity to control one’s impulses, both to stop doing something, if needed (even if one wants to continue doing it) and to start doing something, if needed (even if one doesn’t want to do it)." Source: Tools of the Mind.

Although this is a skill taught as children, I think I missed that class in the school for dragons. It's very hard for me to delay gratification or suppress my impulses when it comes to achieving things that are important for me or that I feel strongly about. I want to do something. I want results now. I want them perfect and everybody must love them.

So as a good dragon, I dive into it head-on and with all the fire I've got inside. I'm very hot about it and I don't care to devote insane amounts of time and passion -and often disregard the rules of pace, method, and practice- because I want to get to my goal yesterday. I want to arrive before I even started. I want shining results but I lack self-regulation. As consequence, everything ends up in a mess most of the time...

...and people don't welcome it as I wanted. Nor do I. Frustration settles. I end up exhausted because I didn't pace myself either. I feel I'm not a good dragon and I have some talent but not enough to succeed because things don't come out as I see them in my mind. (Here the victimizing voice) "I'll never succeed at this. People don't like it -because there are not thousands cheering for me outside the cave-. Worst, in my frustration tantrum, I think I stepped on my cheer leader. Abandon all hope."

I've never heard of self-regulation as a term until recently, when I started High School. I knew I had a weakness for immediate reward and that works against me, but it just dawned on me that talent is not really the problem. Look at this beautiful, state-of-the-art, loved by all, creation. It has everything to be the fastest car. A winner.

But without control it can as easily end up in this.

Brains are more complex than cars but you get the idea. Self-regulation is not easy, for 803 years old, perfectionist, impulsive, stubborn, OCD fire dragons least than all. But listen to dragon wisdom. It's not that you can't do it. It's only that you don't know how to do it. Search, learn, adjust, change. That's the only way to get success.

I'll leave  you with these words I caught from two different ads. You get your own conclusions. 

"When things don't come up as you expect, it's easy to stop believing than to keep the faith in your dream." Spanish ad. (Sorry don't remember the name.)

"Defeat is that doubt in your head, the demon that feeds in your fear, it tells you you're not good enough, that you can't do it, that is not possible...succumbing to that demon, that thought, that's defeat... Before giving victory a shot, I have to defeat defeat." Defeat Defeat Video.

Dragon Hugs!

This post is part of the Insecure Writers Support Group, created by Alex J. Cavanaugh. You can also find IWSG on Facebook - Critique Group.

Losing or being bested. Why is it important to know the difference?

Difference? What difference? The important thing is the outcome. I didn't win.

In fact there is a difference and it is important to the extent of how I handle defeat and my personal development. There will always be someone who is better and someone who is worse than me in any given arena. It is also clear that no matter how hard I try or how good I am at something, I am not all mighty. I have limits. There are things I won't be able to achieve because either I can't or I don't know how to do them. The key factor that decides whether I win or not is my limit. Who sets those limits? Are they fixed by society, by my family, by the Higher Powers or by me?

The Ravens won the Superbowl. I know. What the heck *that* has to do with this? Bear with me for a minute, I beg you. Ravens won. Final score 34-31. The 49ers lost or they were bested? I am 49er hard core fan but I think they wasted the first half of the game. They did terrible errors, gave away yards, lost the ball, etc. At the end of the first half their score was 3. During the second half they were brilliant and boosted their numbers to the final 31. It took Ravens the whole game to reach 34. It took the 49ers half game to jump from 3 to 31.  If they had been brilliant the whole game, would the outcome be different? We will never know, but my guess is yes. So my conclusion is that 49ers were not bested. They lost. They didn't win because they didn't give their best, not because their opponent was beyond their abilities and skills. Done with Superbowl example.

In my very personal opinion there is nothing wrong with being bested. As I said, there will always be someone better or more skilled than you. It's how things are. However, when you don't give your best, it is not your opponent winning over you, it's you defeating yourself. Is there any worse defeat than self-boycott?

I am one of those creatures who strive to be better every day. I am aware of my flaws and I try hard not to hide behind them to justify my defeat with the "I am not good enough" excuse. Am I really  not good enough that I didn't win? Or am I actually scared to get out of my zone of comfort? Am I boycotting myself to have an excuse to stay in this zone?

This is no easy question. More often than not the answer is deep within us, hidden in the darkest corner under other covers. It is quite a task to dig it out so we usually tend to go for the faster "I am not good enough." After all that's a pill that we are already used to take, regardless the painful it might be. Next time you face defeat, ask yourself: "Am I positive beyond doubt this is my best or is it my best within my zone of comfort?"

Not being good enough has not a way out. Fear can be changed and makes success available.

Anyway, the support I need today is specific. I am in bad need of laughter. I will appreciate if you leave me a joke, a link to a funny video, funny tale, funny pic or post. I also take single smiles for all comment! This dragon's most powerful magic works with laughter and I am running out of it.

P.S. I am still very proud the 49ers made it to the Superbowl and I am keeping that satisfaction the whole year.

This post is part of the Insecure Writer's Support Group hosted by amazing Captain Ninja Alex J. Cavanaugh. We post first Wednesday of every month and there is always room for one more!