Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Where did our passion go?

Insecure Writer’s Support Group is the brainchild of Alex J. Cavanaugh. It's the first Wednesday of the month, so it's time to express our fears or offer encouragement to others. If you’d like to join, click on the link to sign up.

Our relationship has ended. It is useless to keep denying it. My writing muse and I, we don't talk anymore. I think she's having an affair with someone else and frankly, I'm also dating other creative muses. We are not into each other anymore. I used to believe people didn't change. Not in their essence, anyway. Writing stories was part of my essence. I could bet my life on it. I could change many things, except stop writing stories. It was what kept me sane because my life was madness.

In the search for challenges, I came up with the idea to learn about writing and, furthermore, to write in English. That way I would both learn to make better stories and improve my foreign language. It didn't work out as I expected. I don't think my muse liked the idea. It's not the English that bothered her. No. I think it was all the technical stuff I overwhelmed her with. In honor to the truth, I could feel how she grew more and more upset because the more I read, the less I wrote. Forcing the writing was useless. My muse made her point very clear.



I am a sensitive dragon, like any artist. I don't react well to hostility, and worse if I feel ignored. "I was just trying to do you a favor, to improve you; but you know what? Screw you!" I told her. "Here it is my drawing muse, and my... my sculpting muse. And over there is my spiritual muse and they are kinder and prettier than you!  Do you think I'll beg you? Ha! Dragons don't beg."

I threw my unfinished manuscript on her head and walked away. Bite that, I thought. My other muses welcomed me and comforted me. They kept my mind busy and my creativity need satisfied. But as in any divorce, there is the problem of friends. I came to the blogsphere as writer. The circle of friends I move in is mainly formed by writers. Not that they ask me how is my writing muse doing but reading about their achievements, and corresponding relationships with their own writing muses make me think on mine.

We were so close, I thought I would die writing stories. Actually, we never had a fight but until I tried "to make her better". She took serious offense in that. Whenever I run into the title of my unfinished manuscript (that is like ten times a day) something inside me cringes. She feels unfit, so do I. Nothing will make it better because we stopped liking each other. She felt useless. Probably because I told her she was useless, I don't quite remember now.

The point is I feel bad about losing her. Losing muses is not my idea of improving as an artist. Not at all. I blame myself. I wasn't strong enough to protect her, to defend her uniqueness. Maybe she wasn't perfect according to the Holy Rules of Modern Literature, but she made me happy. Sometimes, in the solitude of my creative sanctuary, I deeply regret ever wanting to be a best-selling author because that's what started all this mess in the first place.

She's gone and I just realized I've been talking to a cardboard shape of her she left by the corner.
My other muses warm my heart, but there is a spot that is permanently cold. I wonder, how do you apologize to a muse?

Dragon Hugs!

32 comments:

  1. Maybe inviting her to play with the other muses will help? Creativity does flow across many avenues and can intertwine. Maybe get her involved in another project.
    And if that doesn't work, you're a dragon - light her ass on fire!

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  2. I'd suggest stories like how you blogged previously, with you in the guise of the dragon (which is not to say you're not a dragon). You've done some good material in that regard. I think there's a book in there somewhere.

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  3. Buy her flowers and chocolate. Works for me! :)

    I have to admit, this is the best post I've read in quite some time. You had me chuckling all the way through it! Best of luck working it out with your muse.

    It's great to meet you through the IWSG!

    http://swordsandstilettos.blogspot.com

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  4. It's a good thing you have other muses then. I only have the one and if she left me, I'd be screwed! lol She did take a vacation for a while, which was very stressful. I feared I'd never write again, but she came back when I had the write bait (a solution to my writing dilemma) and we've been unstoppable sense. :)

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  5. This is so great and actually makes me feel better. I think my muse and I broke up too. Maybe your muse and mine are now seeing each other. I haven't written in over a year. I just don't have fire to do it right now. So I feel your pain my friend... hopefully she will see her sour ways and come back to you!

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  6. I feel like my muse and I aren't talking anymore and it's kind of heartbreaking. I think he just got sick of my "woe is me" attitude. It's good that you have more than one muse to make you feel better.

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  7. Hi Al - looks like Father Dragon needs to remember how to bow and scrape before his muse - perhaps a winged flight to a castle, a gorgeous dinner on the castle walls with the sunset easing its light years away in the distance - then you can light up her surrounds ... and she will let you dream new passions ... and you'll be able to remember them ...

    Cheers ... it will return ... take care ... Hilary

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  8. Oh dear FD, I have a feeling apologizing to your writing muse won't be as hard as you think. I think you should begin by writing her a letter. I hear you when it comes to "trying to improve" her voice, and have found my love for my own muse diminished when I tried to do this as well. So, I've stopped trying to make "her" better and to write from my heart. Write what I want to read, write what my muse says must be written. Start with a letter to her, oh great wise one, and see where you go, where she might take you...

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  9. My muse and I have "falling outs" all the time. Its frustrating, and sometimes I feel it is an unhealthy relationship. But its a working relationship, and even though we sometimes have to take time apart and explore other creative outlets, we know in our hearts the separations are temporary. Give it time, and exercise your generous smile each time that WIP winks at you.

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  10. Buy her dinner and wine - it can only help.

    I lost my passion for photography a while back. Stopped taking pictures professionally and eventually stopped taking them for fun. Even dropped out of our photo club. But taking photos was something I've always done, so I still was now and then. And little by little, the urge to take creative shots came back. Your muse will come back as long as you keep giving her a path, however small.

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  11. Wow, that sounds like it was a really hard experience for you to go through. I'm so sorry. Muses can be fickle creatures. It never hurts to try to reach out though - see if maybe there's another project you can get her interested in?

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  12. Your creativity is integral to you. As much a part of you as your huge dragon heart. Your writing muse will come back, particularly when she sees how nicely you play with all the other muses. Give her time - and welcome her home again.

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  13. I feel your muse may just have gone on vacation. A dragon muse will need to stretch her wings and soar. I am sure that when you least expect her she will swoop down and embrace you once more. In the meantime enjoy spending time with your other creative muses, this may even make writing muse a little jealous and she will hasten her return to the cave.

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  14. I like Alex's final solution. Not being a writer myself, I don't have to deal with muses. In fact I usually don't read ISWG posts.

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  15. If I read this correctly, she took flight because she felt stifled by all of the rules. I would send her a letter telling her that I intend to let her flow. No rules. Maybe it is like that old saying about loving something and setting it free. It it comes back, it is yours. If if doesn't, it never was. (I think she'll come back:)

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  16. I think sometimes muses really like it when you just listen to them instead of doing the talking.

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  17. She'll be back. They always come back. It might be a few months, or even a few years, and you'll be reunited like long lost friends.

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  18. Oh Father Dragon, I've all these comments so far and I must agree with them. You cannot stifle your muse or 'talk AT her, trying to improve her'. Sometimes it's just best to listen and let her take you where she will. You might find yourself surprised at where you end up. I know I've been when I just let go and started writing.

    I did like the winged flight to a castle with the dinner on castle walls too. That would definitely earn you some brownie points in my book. Much love, Eva

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  19. Awe, this post made me feel a little sad for both you and your muse.

    Personally, I hate rules. I know, I know, they are necessary or we have chaos, but I like chaos, at least organized chaos and so does my muse. When I get into that 'this is no good' slump, because I know that I'm doing all those things 'the books' tell us not to, I let my muse remind me of all those great authors who broke the rules and started to set new ones.

    Don't know if any of that helps, I at least hope you are getting on well with the other creative muses. BTW, just reading this post, says to me that your 'writing muse' is at the very least peaking over your shoulder at this very moment.

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  20. A fine wine, a blank page and determination to win her back. People do change in my opinion so I hope you make up with your muse or learn to be happy with the other artsy parts of yourself.

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  21. Maybe she's just sleeping? At any rate, keep playing with the muses who do talk to you, and I bet she'll get jealous and return! :)

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  22. Muses are so touchy and temperamental. They do leave, but pop back into our lives when we least expect them to. Just keep breathing, Keep steady and stop riddling yourself with anxiety. Remember a woman likes a strong, but sensitive man. You abound in heart, passion, and sensitivity. Let her feel you strength now. You are a MIGHTY DRAGON....need I say more.

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  23. I must say, Dragon, after reading your post, I don't think your muse has really gone anywhere. Or, maybe she left and a new one has taken her place. This post was superbly creative and unique and, like you, a ton of fun to read.

    PS: I had totally forgotten English is your second language!

    Elsie


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  24. As a writer, I shouldn't say this *looking for the crowd with torches and pitch forks*. . .sometimes muses change just as life changes or at least, they seem to go dormant for a while. I say this because my piano/music muse did that to me. It was my passion for many years - I even was paid a little to play at different things, directed choirs and wrote my own music (a children's musical even). But then my muse went silent. It sounds harsh, but I don't miss her right now either. She'll come back someday. I know she will, but right now, other muses are on center stage. . .no better or worse. I enjoyed my other muse, but I love the new ones as well. And I don't believe any of them or more or less worthy than the others. Just different. Embrace life's variety.

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  25. Maybe she cut and colored her hair, and you just don't recognize her as the one having a picnic just outside your cave. You might try offering her a nice basket of apples. She might take a bite and give you that winning smile.

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  26. Groveling has worked for me in the past. Then I usually write some bad poetry and she's so infuriated by that, that she pushes me away from the computer and takes over. That's perfect, you see. While she slaves away at the stalled project, I kick back with a good book someone else has sweated over.

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  27. I'll be your friend whether you're writing or not. I just hope you haven't let doubt and insecurity break up you and your muse. I'd bet a month of book royalties your writing is better than you think it is. ;)

    Of course, you could always take the Ninja's advice and light her ass on fire. xD

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  28. Muses are fickle creatures. I think mine is a drunk. I know where to find it if I lose it, but then it's intoxicated (distracted) by so many things that we can't focus. At least we don't fight like we used to. You're a great dragon and an ever better friend, Al. Wherever your art takes you, whichever brings you the most joy, follow that muse. :)

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  29. Great questions. The Muse just left to get a cup of coffee and she'll be back better than ever. ;)

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  30. You wrote that very well! For myself, I stifle my muse in a couple of ways- I either compare him to others and hurt his feelings, I tell him he sucks and make him hate me, or I nag him about money and ask him to produce something that sells. Not very nice of me, but I do it, and he alwasy takes a hike. I can't really blame him. That's pretty mean of me.

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  31. Hey you!

    So good to see you drop by my place the other day. You know, my muse left me during my difficult blue period...she just got tired of waiting for me to give her attention. But I was not of the mindset at the time, and my other muses of music, art, etc., eventually dropped away, too. My blue period is ending, and what's to stop me from finding different muses? Or welcoming the old ones back?

    Thing is, I know all unfolds as it should—as it's meant to unfold. And now, I'm ready to start "dating" muses again. To each, their own...you are a creative soul, and your talent will shine, whether in painting, sculpture, or writing. There will come a time that one of your drawings wants a description...and you and your muse will sit at the table once again and write it out. And, divorced or not, I'm always your friend. :)

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