Hello! I am Father Dragon's Taskmaster and his right ha- er, paw. My name is Tassin, father of Sessin. I'm also the Captain of the Dwarf Cheering Squad (DCS for short).
In case you are not acquainted with her, sitting to my right is Father Dragon's Ninja Muse, better known as S.A.M (which stands for Stubborn as a Mule.) Our Master doesn't like her because she's a trouble maker. Dwarves don't like her much either because she's completely bonkers. A year ago, the Master sat on her as a subtle insinuation that there were no vacancy for writer's muses here. As you can see, subtlety doesn't work with her even if it is as big and heavy as a dragon's butt so...Meet S.A.M.
If you didn't understand what I said, don't worry. I didn't either. I just read S.A.M's official statement but I give you the pictures above. They're quite clarifying and will also explain any roaring and rumbling sounds you might hear coming from the Quartz Chamber. There might be some minor collapsing but don't worry. We dwarves are trained to handle such contingencies. I'm sorry for you, though. No! I mean, if you're clueless what to do in case of cave collapsing, just grab the first dwarf that tries to run past you and bribe him for the nearest exit.
Since it was uncertain when the Master would be able to write again, and he promised the dragon cave would stay open for his friends, it is now under the temporary stewardship of the Dwarf Cheering Squad. That means that as Captain of the DCS, I'm in charge. Some dwarves think power has gotten to my head, but that's a lie. I am here to make sure you don't miss Father Dragon too much while he is on his mission. My mission is that you don't forget about him and he doesn't forget about you or us. Probably you don't know this, but when Master is overwhelmed with life challenges, he has an addiction to delete and forget things... or people. If he forgets about us, then there will be 150 jobless dwarves and we can't let that happen, right?
I know dwarves can't make up for a dragon but we'll do our best.
Yes, we must invest in our production budget but the treasure chamber is empty. The Master lent his gold to his cousin Smaug so he could impress our cousin Thorin. Also, we don't have the century-distilled wisdom Father Dragon has, but then again Enlightening is not our job. Master says laughter renews his strength and reconnects him with the Higher Powers. The dwarves cannot fight a dragon's battles, and we won't ponder about the nature of Brain and Mind, the Light of Awareness or the Immortality of the Crab. Our true and most important job is to renew the Master's energy with some fun.
We are counting on the help of dragon's friends, of course. Ninja Muse believes we can coerce- I mean, convince a couple of them. Mark Koopmans said he was going to dance with a coconut bra and a skirt of leaves with us. We have the Twitter message to prove it. Captain Ninja said he was going to go all Disco last year (or it might be just S.A.M.'s crush talking. You never know with ninjas.) Anyway, we might start a Dance with the Dwarves contest. You sign up and then... Then you pray you don't end up dancing Falla's Ritual Fire Dance with Milin in a dragon costume. If nobody signs up, then we'll have Mark's and Alex's clones dancing until some merciful soul comes to relieve them or until the return of the Master. Hmm, that might actually press him to come back faster. Prizes? Oh, yes, prizes! The winner of the contest will get to choose between three mystery prizes. Door number 1, 2 and 3, you know the drill. You get additional points if you share something funny (pic, joke, video) and it actually makes the judges laugh. Who knows? You may even win your own certified dwarf to compete in the next Toss the Dwarf Championship!
Before I leave, the Master wanted to acknowledge a noble friend and artist; Jeremy Hawkins from Being Retro. Jeremy did this in Father Dragon's honor back in December. Time was complicated even then but this thoughtful gesture really touched him very much. Father Dragon says, "Thank YOU, Jeremy!"
Amazing dragon, isn't it? Will you help us cheer Father Dragon and dare to dance with the dwarves? Will you leave Alex and Mark to their luck? Will you bribe the dwarves for the nearest emergency exit, an additional vote or just because you find little hairy men that attractive?