Monday, March 16, 2015
The Meaningful Quest for Meaning
At my 803 years, I decided it was time to go for the High School certificate I didn't get when I was the size of a Komodo dragon. They say it is never late to learn. Actually, we're always learning something new. Whether we realize this or not, is another story.
I do have a career. I have a degree on Raiding Villages, specialization on Charring, Destroying and Treasure Hogging. First on my class of Virgin Barbecue, International Cuisine. I've taken other courses and learned a lot more things on different areas. Back at the time I was learning all these things I thought they were interesting but I knew they were not part of my greatest dream. For some strange reason, all the diplomas and acknowledgements hanging on the cave wall are meaningless now to me. I look at them and I feel no excitement about knowing these things. I don't feel I or my life are more meaningful because of them.
Funny enough, I have never actively pursued my greatest dream, my heart's desire. Reasons of why I didn't pursue my dream, there are many, but I question their validity. One day I just found myself feeling my life would have no meaning if I leave this world without making *that* dream, The Dream, come true. Or maybe not come true, but at least start to walk the path that takes me closer to it. Not as hobby, but as my reason to live. To breathe it, to eat it, to bath in it until I ooze its scent. That's why at this late age I started High School. It's the first step towards turning The Dream into The Reality.
Will another diploma on the wall give meaning to who I am (before my eyes) or my life? Maybe. Maybe not. It's widely known that the important part of a quest is not the destination, but the journey in itself. I am not out in the search for a college degree exactly. I am out to prove to myself what's the meaning of my life through the fight for the One dream. Many around me have told me my life is meaningful, but I fail to feel it. I guess the meaning of "I" and of "my life" is better grasped when I figure it out by myself.
Through the centuries, dreams and goals have come and go. Some I've achieved, some I've discarded because they lost meaning. Just one dream has stayed the same and my desire for it never dimmed. Just one dream makes my heart cry with longing, frustration, and hope. It is the only dream I know, in my heart of hearts, everything I am -virtues and flaws, vision and madness- is the perfect combination that's needed to get it. That long neglected (many times qualified by others as "meaningless") Dream is where I'll find my meaning and the meaning of my life.
Few will understand this but I don't care. It won't be easy. It's proving not to be easy already. Sometimes I feel I'm walking alone, but I know I'm not. As long as my heart is true and my cause is right, help and support will always be given to me. Not always from where I expect or would like it come, but it will come (and is coming) nonetheless.
Now you know where Father Dragon has been lately. ;)