I was expecting to do at least a hundred quick sketches this past week but I did 27 or so. I'll choose to see the glass half full. At least you can tell what the pose is in most of them, if not all. I asked Mother Dragon to tell me what was each model doing but she couldn't figure some of them. I think they would be better if I could just hold the pencil like I'm used to, but nope. I'm learning to draw using the shoulder instead of only the wrists, according Proko's drawing lessons. Right now the new grip makes my strokes sloppy. (Yeah, dragon, blame the grip).
It is worth to notice that drawing for me right now is like the best meditation exercise I can have. When I'm doing this I forget all stress and concerns and I feel at peace for as long as the practices last. In order to not make all the post only about my still mediocre practices, I'm going to tell you why I welcome this fleeting peace.
Some of you might remember I neglected this blog because I was out pursuing my dream. I had a plan full of smaller plans and I had momentum. I was sure I would make it because success is for those who work hard. Or isn't that what everyone say?
Well, I worked really really hard; harder than I've done in centuries.... and I didn't make it. One by one, my plans and goals collapsed and crashed before me. All of them. Effort of years became meaningless and strategies worthless. By the Sacred Fire, it hurt worst than a wind lance. I guess you've been there at one time in your life. Not shot by a wind lance but you know how it feels that despite your best efforts, everything goes to the gutter.
Probably it wouldn't have been so difficult to digest if all bad things wouldn't have happened within a short period of time. I was dealing with serious health issues when I got school issues, work issues, relationship issues, and the pressure of it all just kept building up until the explosion was heard all the way to the Dragon Dimension. And it left me in an extremely bad shape. I had to abandon school, put a hold on many other things and try to salvage priorities, like work and my life. Probably that should be the other way around, although at that moment I cared more about work than about my life.
The good thing about dragons is how resilient they are. Otherwise we wouldn't live for centuries. And you know, the hardest part of us is not the scales that armor our bodies. It's the inner fire that armors our spirit. Dragons have a battling spirit. Dragons would rather be consumed by our own fire, becoming a walking inferno in a last attempt of conquering the enemy, than giving in to darkness and die in shame. The best of dragons have an honor that is unheard of in this modern world. And for that honor, we go beyond our limits.
I don't have new plans yet. I have not put myself together yet. But there are two things that are very clear to me. 1. I know what I want to get. 2. I am a dragon.
When all doors close, when all windows are blocked, a dragon will get through the wall. This is me pushing the debris aside. It doesn't look pretty right now, but one day it will, in all senses.