Wednesday, March 6, 2013
There's Always Tomorrow
Time is something that's usually organized, shared, looked for, wasted, taken, stolen and even killed. It's a delightful delusion since actually no one is certain of the term of one's particular life span. We all have heard of people who are here one day and gone the next. People who still had short, medium and long term plans for countless tomorrows they didn't get to see.
My war with the Dragon Slayer taught me tomorrow is the one thing I should not take for granted. The fact I can do something today doesn't necessarily mean I'll be able to repeat it tomorrow. I've lost battles overnight. Things have gone terribly wrong in the blink of an eye. While I could have danced the dragon mamushka in the sky one morning, I could as well endure torture that night.
The days I'm suffering being defeated by the Dragon Slayer, I tend to think on all those things I really want to get done before my time to join the Dragon Ancestors come. Suddenly the value and meaning of Time changes. Tomorrow looses its trustworthy mask to reveal its mirage true nature. The only real thing we've got hold of is Now.
One of my wishes is to finish my book and one of my concerns is what would happen with it should there be no tomorrow unexpectedly. Most likely Agnipath would be lost. My family doesn't speak English and wouldn't know what to do with it. Sometimes I harness enough inner peace to accept this possibility but other times I rebel to the idea of just letting this piece of me fade into oblivion. And this is only about Agnipath, but there are also my sculptures, my other projects.
These days I've worked on my dragon sculpture I realized just how much I invest in every piece of art I do. My joy and creativity take their toll on my precious energy, my sight, and other parts of my dragon self. If I have magic for one day, certain endeavors will make it last half or less. This awareness of the importance of the Now has made me anxious about the fact I can't possibly do everything Now.
Ironically, several victories against the Dragon Slayer in a row will have me waltzing a pas de deux with tomorrow, my priority list in hand. I will be spending my time in joys that have to do more about others than about me. Why, in the name of the Sacred Scale, why? I've growled at myself.
I'm striving for the answer as I type this. I do it, not because I am so thick I forget the fragility of my magic nature. I think I do it because I understand life is not just about what I want and what I dream. There's also a lot of people in the journey with dreams and hopes of their own. Joys are greater when others join you in the celebration. Fears are less dreadful when others hold hands with you. Sadness is less tough when others reach their arms to hug you.
In any case, I stated earlier this week that dragons don't do things out of obligation. When I give my precious Now and energy to someone, I either do it for pleasure or for conviction. Yet, sometimes a thought assaults me; that people might not understand the true value of what I am really giving when I give my time.
In conclusion, here's a dragon with an unfinished book in his claws, dreaming people will some day read what his mind created. He might disappear one day along with that book he never finished because he spent his time writing his thoughts for people that cared to read them. Is it right? Is it wrong? What was the goal in the first place? Alas, the poetry of life riddles!
It is not a riddle, however, that this post is part of the Insecure Writer's Support Group hosted by Alex J. Cavanaugh, the only ninja gifted with the power of ubiquity.