Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Losing or being bested. Why is it important to know the difference?


Difference? What difference? The important thing is the outcome. I didn't win.

In fact there is a difference and it is important to the extent of how I handle defeat and my personal development. There will always be someone who is better and someone who is worse than me in any given arena. It is also clear that no matter how hard I try or how good I am at something, I am not all mighty. I have limits. There are things I won't be able to achieve because either I can't or I don't know how to do them. The key factor that decides whether I win or not is my limit. Who sets those limits? Are they fixed by society, by my family, by the Higher Powers or by me?

The Ravens won the Superbowl. I know. What the heck *that* has to do with this? Bear with me for a minute, I beg you. Ravens won. Final score 34-31. The 49ers lost or they were bested? I am 49er hard core fan but I think they wasted the first half of the game. They did terrible errors, gave away yards, lost the ball, etc. At the end of the first half their score was 3. During the second half they were brilliant and boosted their numbers to the final 31. It took Ravens the whole game to reach 34. It took the 49ers half game to jump from 3 to 31.  If they had been brilliant the whole game, would the outcome be different? We will never know, but my guess is yes. So my conclusion is that 49ers were not bested. They lost. They didn't win because they didn't give their best, not because their opponent was beyond their abilities and skills. Done with Superbowl example.

In my very personal opinion there is nothing wrong with being bested. As I said, there will always be someone better or more skilled than you. It's how things are. However, when you don't give your best, it is not your opponent winning over you, it's you defeating yourself. Is there any worse defeat than self-boycott?

I am one of those creatures who strive to be better every day. I am aware of my flaws and I try hard not to hide behind them to justify my defeat with the "I am not good enough" excuse. Am I really  not good enough that I didn't win? Or am I actually scared to get out of my zone of comfort? Am I boycotting myself to have an excuse to stay in this zone?

This is no easy question. More often than not the answer is deep within us, hidden in the darkest corner under other covers. It is quite a task to dig it out so we usually tend to go for the faster "I am not good enough." After all that's a pill that we are already used to take, regardless the painful it might be. Next time you face defeat, ask yourself: "Am I positive beyond doubt this is my best or is it my best within my zone of comfort?"

Not being good enough has not a way out. Fear can be changed and makes success available.

Anyway, the support I need today is specific. I am in bad need of laughter. I will appreciate if you leave me a joke, a link to a funny video, funny tale, funny pic or post. I also take single smiles for all comment! This dragon's most powerful magic works with laughter and I am running out of it.

P.S. I am still very proud the 49ers made it to the Superbowl and I am keeping that satisfaction the whole year.

This post is part of the Insecure Writer's Support Group hosted by amazing Captain Ninja Alex J. Cavanaugh. We post first Wednesday of every month and there is always room for one more! 

65 comments:

  1. Great post to read though being British am not into Super Bowl. Have a good day.
    Yvonne.

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  2. Being bested is nothing to fret. It's a matter of the torch being passed and happens in everyone's life. We can't win them all. Good post, Father Dragon!

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  3. A joke.. hmmm.. I'm not good at jokes. But I do have a funny story. While out-of-town this past week, I went to a bar by myself. A young man caught my attention and started chatting with me. I was of course, vainly flattered until he asked me when I graduated from high school. Turns out he was closer to my son's age than mine. Nevermind that I'm married, my ego was sighing with the imagined adulation. He then proceeded to tell me that people from my class coached him in sports when he was in high school. (I was married four years before the kid even graduated from high school). So much for my ego. ;) God's way of keeping me humble and grounded in reality.

    I'm going to assume this little sad scenario doesn't make me less of a woman or an old hag. It's where I'm at in life. There will always be someone younger and prettier. I am me. I think there's a transferrable moral here for our writing too. :)

    Be you, lovable Dragon.

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    1. Thanks for the smile, Julie. And for the tale. By the way I think you look young and lovely and you have a gorgeous smile. :)

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    2. Awesome wanna meet at a bar and drink some dragon fizz? ;) Bring Mrs. D though.

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    3. Is it ok to bring dwarves and muses along? They'll content with the peanuts. :)

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  4. I don't know any jokes, but I'm a walking one. How about one of my many moments.
    Picture a mom that has a toddler that likes to run. Mom finishes swim class with said toddler and she goes to the locker room to change. She gets child undressed then wraps a towel around him and snuggles him tight so he can't get out of the towel and sets him on a bench. Mother removes swim suit. Child giggles, throws towel off and runs into gym. Mother must grab her towel and chase child down in the gym. Mother changed to a new gym. :)

    BTW - The Neumarian Uprising is a call to get help spreading the word of Escapement being released. As their spy, I'd send cover art, link, and any other info, If you'd like to join the uprising on February 25th you'll post info on your blog, Facebook, and/or tweet.

    I hope you have a laugh filled day!

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    1. Yes, I can picture that pretty well, hahaha. Thank you, Ciara.
      And now I got it, and of course the Dragon Cave is in!

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  5. What does a nosy pepper do?

    He gets jalepeno yo business!

    Have a great day, Al:)

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    1. :)) Thank you very much and same to you too M.J.!

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  6. Didn't your grandfather say that you have "champion blood?" You will rise again Father Dragon, and we will all be cheering you on!
    Julie

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    1. That's right, Julie dear. I just need a bit of fuel to keep the engine working. Thanks for the cheering. :D

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  7. I love your comparison between bested and losing. I never really thought of it that way. It'd be much better to be bested than to not give it your all.

    I'm terrible with jokes, although I do have one from my grade school days that still makes me snicker. What is purple and 3,000 miles long? The Grape Wall of China. :)

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    1. This gave a couple visuals that made me chuckle. Thanks a lot, Cherie! :)

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  8. HI, Al...

    Before the laughter .... a thank you .... for the kind comment you left at my blog about my mom. Everyone has been so sweet and caring and I appreciate it today.

    In tribut of my mom, let me tell you about a funny story. We had been on vacation in Aruba. We went to an afternoon celebrity music show. Impersonators. Well, the host MADONNA, scoped the audience and looked for volunteers. Out of a few hundred people there, she picked five. MY mom was the third chosen. "Madame, you please." Mom was jumping around like a teenager and she was in her mid fifties at the time. "I LOVE your enthusiasm. Not many people your age still have it. COMMON UP!"

    The show continued. I waited at the edge of my seat to see what they had planned for the volunteers. Cyndi Lauper come onto the stage and began to sing "Girls just wanna have fun..." Out SASHE's my mom wearing an oversized, bright green tropical shirt, covered in multicolored waist-length beads. She's twirling them around like a flapper. On her head is this HUGE flowered floppy hat. And for the final accessory those insane OVERSIZED SUNGLASSES, WEll all four foot eleven of her is WORKING that stage. The audience is going NUTS.... SHE TAKES OVER.... Cyndi approaches and asks, "What's you name honey.."

    My mom answers, "Rosie, baby! And I am HAVING A BLAST!!!" She twirls around and the audience erupts.

    Now you will LOVe this. After the show several people approached her and asked for her autograph.... I barked out such a laugh, I can't begin to say...

    I hope that gave yiu a laugh!

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    1. I said it once and I repeat it, your mom is the kind of persons that are REAL blessings in one's life. Thank you Rosie for being the kind of person you were, and thank you Michael for sharing her with me. :D My best to you!

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  9. Make you laugh? I'm not good enough! Today is the day of woes for me, tears wanting to float their way up and down, for me to find a corner to suck my thumb and fall asleep crying like a baby who lots it's momma. I think I'm more apt to make you cry!

    But I'll give a joke a try. This is one I'm stealing (and surely altering) from a novel I read, so don't blame me for the language. :)

    Mickey Mouse, after arguing with Minnie, threw up his hands and yelled, "I didn't say you were crazy, I said you were fucking Goofy!"




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    1. And yet, your joke did give me a chuckle. Dragon hugs for you, Nancy.

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  10. Great post, Al. Hope you get some laughs today. :)

    A Glitch

    After an enthusiastic recommendation from my wife, I began listening to the audiobook version of Frank McCourt’s Teacher Man. “I love it, but his writing style is so disjointed,” I complained. “He refers to characters I don’t know and introduces them a half hour later.” My wife was as confused as I was, but I soldiered on, disoriented by the jumpy story line. It wasn’t until the end of the book that my dilemma was explained—I had set the iPod to Shuffle. -- Norm Sunshine

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    1. Hahahaha. So very good. Thank you, Melissa! This reminds me of the time Mother Dragon was upset because the remote didn't work. Only when I checked I realized she was clicking on the phone.

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  11. This video made me giggle - https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=140581242769950

    Also, to answer your question on my blog. A pitch is when you have time one on one with an agent or editor and you try to sell them your book :)

    Love your message about being the best you can be. Sage advice, my friend :)

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    1. :)) Oh, children, they rock! Her laughter is so contagious.
      Thanks for enlightening me. I wish you the best!!

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  12. It's the game that's fun. Winning is wonderful, but it just doesn't happen all the time. Good message for the ISWG!

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    1. And the game isn't over until it is over, right? Let's play our best, milady. :)

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  13. You hit the nail on the head! My sons' football team lost a play off game this year and it hurt them badly, because they weren't beaten, they made mistakes and they handed the game to the other team...or so they felt, so it hurt super bad.

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    1. Yes, I've been there. Very difficult to handle. The important thing is we get something good out of it for next time. :)

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  14. And here's your smile.
    Remember, dragons can be trusted...penguins not so much...
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLglDvv49EU

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    1. Hahaha, that's my kind of penguin. I like to do that same thing with the dwarves. It is so funny. :))

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  15. Wow! I hadn't really thought of it in that way, but I think I've used excuses of not being good enough and not thought it through . . .sometimes I haven't given it my all. I try, and as long as I try my best, I haven't lost anything.
    Thanks for that Al.

    Jokes, humor, me? sigh. I don't have any good jokes . . .well, maybe this one:
    Why did the girl mushroom date the boy mushroom? Because he was a fungi (fun guy).

    And, once a man in a super fast sports car (your choice of kind) stopped at a gas station for some fuel. An old man on a motorcycle pulled up behind him. They chatted a little bit, and then the man in the sports car drove away. When he looked in the rear view mirror, the old man on the motorcycle was right on his bumper, waving his hands at him. Irritated, the man in the sports car took his car up to a faster speed. He looked in the rear view mirror, and the old man on the motorcycle was on his bumper still. So the man in the sports car drove his car as fast as it would go, and when he looked in the rear view mirror, the old man on the motorcycle was still right behind his bumper.
    Finally, he stopped and asked the old man how he had kept up to his car.
    The old man said, "Sonny, my suspenders got caught in your bumper, and I've been trying to get you to slow down."

    Ok, that's it . .. now you know why I don't do stand up comedy.

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    1. Well you should, Tyrean. This is good, hahaha. I could imagine the old man waving his hands :))

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  16. This is such a great comparison. I tend to me my biggest opponent, Self boycott, self sabotage, I don't know why . . . fear maybe. . .

    Well, you may have already heard this joke but it always makes me chuckle . . .

    Dear Icebergs,
    Sorry to hear about the global warming.
    Karma's a bitch.
    Sincerely,
    The Titanic

    ((((((((((:

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    1. Nop, this is one is new to me. Sweet revenge. Thanks for the chuckle! :)

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  17. I liked what you wrote about bested vs losing a lot. Very sage words. This made me laugh: https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Zce-QT7MGSE

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    1. Talking about NFL, HAHAHA! Thank you for sharing, Mary Pax :)

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  18. Games have winners and losers, but in life it's just us, so bested fits better. And if we've given our all, then we can still be proud of our efforts. And know that we can continue to try to do better.
    If you saw Mini-Alex on my blog, then hope that gave you a chuckle. He was TRYING to trip that Ravens player!

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    1. :) Yes, I did see Mini-Alex but I thought he was playing Another One Bites the Dust.

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  19. "Losing or being bested" <-- Not sure I've heard it put that way before, but it's a nearly perfect question! No shame in being bested. Only shame from not putting forth 100% effort. (I'll email you a funny.)

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    1. I think then I've created another dragon term. Thanks for the mail. It was indeed funny. :D

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  20. I'm sorry you're down. I've never thought about it, but you make a good point on losing vs. being bested.

    I'm afraid I'm at a loss on funny, but the first thing that popped into my head is a book trailer I'll be posting on my blog at some point. She's so funny!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KloEAoKvBqA

    (If that link doesn't work, search YouTube under "Libba Bray cow." It's the first result, a trailer for Going Bovine.

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse

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    1. Hahaha, so this video makes me think, if I ever publish my book, I'll have to wear a human custom, hmmm.

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  21. Losing is permanent. Bested means we can keep trying.

    Al, I went back to an older post of mine from last year that had some funnies that might make you smile - http://circleoffriendsbooks.blogspot.com/2012/07/cats-and-blogging-humor.html

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    1. I loved the monkeys one. Even the dwarves are laughing. Thanks, Diane. :))

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  22. You make such an excellent point. Being bested is an honor. Something you can learn from. I mean, I suppose you can learn from losing too, even if it's your own fault, but it's so much more embarrassing.

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    1. Thank you for your comment, Matthew. And be welcomed to the Dragon Cave. :)

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  23. If you are "running" out of laughter magic, maybe this can "sprint" to your aid.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGojEyYBmwc

    I think there is nothing wrong with being bested, either. It just shows, hey, I'm not the stuff I thought I was ... I could do better after all. Taking it as a loss leads to some dark stuff that I'd rather not venture into. :)

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    1. Oh boy, you really won the prize. I laughed to tears. That was too good. Thank you, Sir David! :D

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  24. Very cool post, Al. And yay! I found your blog! :) Thanks to David P. King!

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    1. A great guy, Sir David. Welcome to the Dragon Cave, Rachel. :)

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  25. "All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy."
    "He who dies with the most toys ... is nonetheless dead."
    "We have enough youth -- how about a Fountain of Smart?"
    ~ courtesy of myprofilepimp(dot)com

    I hope these helped! :-)

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    1. Thank you, Lexa. They did. The Fountain of Smart still makes me chuckle. :)

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  26. Aloha Al,

    Finally made it to your site!! (Was having trouble on my side:) Anyway, glad to hear your 49ers made it, but sad for you they didn't win...

    While I like to consider myself to be a model for "the most interesting guy in the world" (the one who drinks Dos Equis some of the time,) I myself am also a man of humor (everyone says I look funny.)

    However, one of the funniest bloggers I know is Martin Willoughby, who writes a *fantastic* post every Friday. Here's his most recent and I *double* dare you *not to laugh :)

    http://mwilloughby.blogspot.com/2013/02/friday-fun.html

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    1. Aloha Mark! I am glad you found the way to the Dragon Cave. (Good Mexican beer, uh? :) A connoisseur we have here).
      Yes, Martin rocks. I'm addicted to his Friday Fun. Already looking forward for it. :D

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  27. I hope that you're filled with more laughter today, Al!! I'm very glad I happened to post something funny yesterday. :) I love Lexa's comment. That made me laugh. This world definitely needs a fountain of smart. heheh

    And excellent post, which is nothing less than I've come to expect from my favorite dragon. I HAVE to post a picture of my dragon shield I got at the renaissance faire last weekend. I'll try to remember to put it on my Friday's celebration post. It's an awesome shield and I think you'd like it. :)

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    1. I didn't know you were a Shield Maiden :D but it comes great with your name. Tamara, the Shield Maiden of One Magic Bean Buyer. Wow. Already impressed. I'll be checking for that pic.

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  28. Excellent point Father D. (my new nickname for you. ;) )

    I can tell when I get lazy or I'm not trying my best and I have to crack the whip on myself and call me out. I know when I need to give more. But you're right, there'll always be someone better, and that's good cuz it gives us something to strive for.

    Hope your day got better and you got some smiles. :D ((hugs))

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    1. It sounds very good. It could be written Father :D and we get the grin included, hahaha. Thank you for the hugs, Pk!

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  29. The best part, is the good and the bad, worse and better of people gives us strength and helps us improve our weakness by the insights we gain.

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  30. I have to admit, I'm not really into football (American or any other kind) but, as a fan of Edgar A. Poe, I'm rather pleased the Ravens won. :-)

    I appreciate your distinction in it being better to be bested than to simply lose because you didn't give it your best shot (at least, that's what I think you're saying).

    OK, I've got a joke for you. I'm of Portuguese descent so, even though it's not politically correct, I feel I've a right to tell it:

    Question: Why are Portuguese men so fond of mustaches?
    Answer: Because they remind them of their mothers.

    :-D

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  31. Tammy: That's right. The most important thing is that we keep learning. :)

    Mina: You made me laugh hard with that one. Thank you! :D And yes, you got my message right. Any experience in dragon translation?

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  32. Great point, Al. You can resign yourself to being inferior and they're in the mindset of, is it worth trying? You probably wouldn't be going forward. Or you can try to be the best you can probably be on your own terms. I think endlessly comparing yourself to others is counterproductive.

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    1. And here you are, the clearest example of what it means to give the best of the best. You rock, Nick!

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  33. Fantastic post. I believe we all can do something every day, even if it is small, to improve ourselves.

    I'm going to leave you a smile because I'm horrible at telling jokes. I also live with a toddler, so most of the ones I know involve an interrupting cow. :)

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    1. A cow? hahaha. That's funny for so many reasons. Thanks for your comment and the smile. :)

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