Saturday, December 15, 2012


Day One:

Feeling much better in House of Elrond after nice long nap. Also, Sam gave
me fabulous backrub and bubble bath. Platonic, brotherly love so wonderful.
Wasn't quite entirely sure why he needed to suck on my toes, but am assured
it has something to do with Elf medicine.

Day Three

Have agreed to carry Ring to Mordor. In hindsight, probably a bad move.

Day Four

Aragorn and Boromir had big fight over who got to carry me up Mount
Caradhras. Aragorn shoved Boromir into snowbank. Boromir bit Aragorn on the
ear. Ring must be affecting them more seriously than I thought.

Day Six:

Woke up to find Aragorn playing with buttons on my shirt.
He must be after the Ring. Damn its siren call.
Ah well, Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

Day Ten:

Today Legolas began stroking my inner thigh with his bow.
Was stunned. Had no idea Legolas wanted the Ring too.
It must truly be an object of awesome power.

Day Eleven:

Gandalf showed me very strange trick he can do. Apparently pointy wizard hat
not just for show.
Wonder if Ring is affecting him, or perhaps he is just very peculiar.

Day 24 :

Finally feel rested. Is too dark in Mines of Moria for Aragorn to find me
and pinch me as he has been doing lately.
Gandalf fell into shadow. Was sad to see pointy hat go.

Day 27 :

Lothlorien so pretty. Galadriel pretty too. Offered her One Ring, but she
kept saying, "No, there's something else I'd rather have from you, Frodo
Baggins," and trying to slide foot up inside my breeches. So, gave her my
extra pair of breeches since she seemed fond of them. Maybe some kind of
breeches shortage in Lothlorien.

Day 30 :

Rowed all day in boats. V. tired. Merry and Pippin offered to give me a
group massage. Nice to have such v. concerned friends. Glad Ring is not
affecting them. Although did not need back rubbed quite so much, nor other
Pippin does remember we're cousins, right?

Day 33 :

Boromir tried to take the Ring. Am not entirely certain, but am fairly sure
he also tried to have a little cuddle. Was most unnerving, as Boromir quite

Day 36 :

Everyone keeps hitting on me. Cannot cope. Off to Mordor.
Sam coming too. Good thing, as will enable me to have more of those
platonic, brotherly foot massages he's so good at.
Am sad to leave rest of Company though, as found myself quite fancying the
idea of shagging Gimli. Chunky braids and huge helmet quite a turn-on. Ah,
well, he never would have liked me anyway.

No comments:

Post a Comment