Get the Strength to Keep Moving II

Do you know what success is?

For a long time I've felt I have not achieved much in life. I could make a checklist of my dreams and there was very little I could mark. I was not an acknowledged artist or a published author. I didn't have a considerable wealth or the perfect job, or the perfect home. I didn't have everlasting friends or romantic love. I've spent my life fighting ailment and odds. As a manner of comforting myself, I found that I could use my experience to help others through their troubles. Let's say I had an emotional map. I knew where were the abysses, the shores, the monsters and the dangers. I could warn travelers in the land of despair. I didn't see this as an accomplishment but a way to give meaning to all those years "wasted", to make them useful. Yet, giving a use to something was not a great success to me.

These days I've been listening and watching to a lot of motivational videos. They talk about success and most of them say it is not easy. Most of them warn you it is so hard, it hurts so much, that you can't even think straight. However, it is important to know, to ask yourself how bad do you really want to achieve whatever you seek. Mere wish is not enough. "Kind of want it" is not enough. You have to want it as bad as your next breath, if you were drowning. That bad. If you were drowning, you would not care what's on TV, you wouldn't care what's the latest update in Facebook or Twitter, you wouldn't care for parties or excuses or personal insecurities. If you were drowning, all you would think of is your next breath. That's how bad you need to want something in order to succeed in it.

When I heard this, my heart sank. I don't think I ever wanted something that bad. No art, no book, no money...except maybe health and inner peace. Realization hit me like a brick in the face. Health and inner peace. I don't have them but I have gone a long way from my starting point. A very long way. I am not doing average, compared to other people in my situation. I have accomplished things most don't even dream possible. I have stood up where others sank, giving in to illness. They complain but they don't do anything about it. While I have complained too, I always fight back. I grab from wherever I can and pull myself up. If I can't get to my feet, I move on my knees. If I can't do that, then on all fours, but I strive to move forward and up. Crying, bleeding, wrecking but moving forward.

I have experienced that exhaustion that hurts so much you can't even think straight. Those are the moments I've wanted the next inch of ground, the next step, as bad as my next breath. That's when I've cared about absolutely nothing except said inch.

I have experienced success but foolishly enough, I have not recognized it because I had the idea success was measured with money, fame, and popularity. I had this idea that an individual could only be successful in visible, tangible things that could be seen by all the world. Things like wealth, beauty, a healthy body, true love, and additionally be a creative genius. I would look upon my life and say "well, yes, I survived. Yes, I went through Hell and back but that's no big deal. The years it took me I could have spent in making money. I could have perfected my craft, or get love, or make friends, or travel. In synthesis, I could have spent those years in being successful."

Yesterday, the brick on the face was my own heart screaming "What?? Measure me up. Measure your will, measure your determination, measure you courage and your integrity. See how much they've grown from your darkest day to this day. They are the size of titans. You are not about to let anything keep you in the ground. You are not willing to surrender to any blow of life, no matter how bad, or how heartbreaking. You are not beyond biting the dust but as long as there is life in you, you will fight with teeth and claw to get back on your feet. You'll strive for an additional inch of health and inner peace. You are successful in the eyes of the Higher Powers."

So what do you know? It turns out I have not wasted my life away. After all, I did more than giving a meaning to all the years of struggle and soul wrecking pain. I am more than the victim of circumstances. I am indeed a warrior, a fighter, an indomitable heart. No matter how many times I'm in Hell, I won't stay there. I am still unstoppable.

I am aware my fight is not over but then again, let's face it. As long as there is life, the fight is never over. The only thing that changes is the goal. Once you overcome one obstacle or challenge or crisis, another will take its place. But how will you win anything at all if you never enter a fight? There's always the fear of pain but I leave you with something to ponder about.

"Like everyone else, you want to learn the way to win but never to accept the way to lose. To accept defeat, to learn to die is to be liberated from it." Bruce Lee.

So You Want to Be Successful, huh? (The link will take you directly to the video in YouTube. I couldn't get the video here but you won't regret the time you take in checking it.)