But something happened, I am not sure what. Probably I fell during a flight and got hit in the head. Maybe that villager with the catapult did hit something that damaged the pondering section in my brain. I am really not sure. The fact is that no matter how much I try, I can't get into the phylosophic hall of my mind palace and this gives me a feeling of great loss. GREAT loss.
The year began with a lot of inner struggle for me. I ran into many personal walls. I was forced to look into ruthless inner mirrors and accept what I was looking. But somehow it happened to me the same than to Don Quijote, I think. In order to "cure" him from this madness that made him believe he was this gallant knight who fought giants and witches and had the purest of ladies as his lady, his family made him face mirrors where he saw he was indeed old and fragile and weak. That he was just the laughing stock of town. His spirit was defeated by what he saw and accepted.
I faced a sort of Knight of Mirrors too. My fight with him has lasted about three months. As I struggled with the mirror reflection, I came to accept the truth reflected. This brought me peace, or so I thought. I am not sure because deep inside, there is something, some trace of essence that tells me I am not completely at peace. I am more like sedated. If I were truly at peace, I would be able to think clearer about all those things I like to think about. I would be able to get in contact with the endless source of Life's wisdom and share it with you, like before. But I can't. Not anymore. I'm blinded by the shiny reflections on those mirrors. I am not sure if I am really flying or I'm just deluded to believe so, and I'm actually down in the ground.
I miss something and I miss it so very much, life is starting to look dull. I forgot something but for the life of me, I don't know what it is. I wish Father Dragon "The Great" were alive, so I could have his advice.
Does anyone out there know anything about dragon malfunctioning?
Maybe that lack of real peace is because you know there is something that you must do now as the real you?
ReplyDeleteWhat do you mean? No, wait! I'll rather drop you a note.
DeleteMaybe you are trying too hard to be introspective - if you relax the thoughts will come of their own accord. Grandmotherly advice.
ReplyDeleteThey come, Grandmother, but they vanish after a minute or two. Never enough to develop anything.
DeleteMirrors aren't always true, Al. Part of the truth perhaps. Part of it is our perspective at the moment as we look.
ReplyDeleteWhen I'm restless (and I'm a deep thinker too) it usually indicates there is something I need to come to terms with or deal with. Something I've been distracted from paying attention to while dealing with the everyday life. It's that little offset nag in the back of my mind that throws a bump in my mindscape and throws my balance off.
For me it's a matter of listening and finding it. Sometimes that means going outside where I can be quiet and not be distracted by the necessary and the surface. And for me there is a certain peace walking or sitting outside and appreciating the beauty. Taking in the scents, feeling the breeze, seeing whats around me, tasting it. Letting it soak in, observing and appreciating. I relax and my thoughts drift and I enjoy the paths of thoughts present. It may takes days but I usually find the "bump" and come to terms with it.
You get it figured out. Relax and let it flow. :-)
Sia McKye Over Coffee
Thanks, Sia. I think you're right and part of the truth we see depends on the perspective we have at the moment. Perhaps my perspective at the moment was not precisely the best. Perhaps I knew it but I accepted it just to get the task done and be over with the mirror thing. And perhaps I am not happy with that. I'll try to let it flow. Dragon Hugs!
DeleteI think this post is the start of getting back to where you want to be. Maybe I'm confusing Don Quixote's journey from the book with the one he had in the musical, but he had a happy ending. The mirrors didn't reflect the end of his delusions but rather the start of others believing he was on to something all along. Sometimes it's better to have a break with your strongest assets because when you return to them you will have a much clearer understanding of what they are.
ReplyDeleteYou just gave me something to ponder about very deeply. Thanks for that!
DeleteBe still. I've found when I am farthest from myself is when I am trying too hard to BE. Relax. Create something- write, paint, sculpt- get your hands moving and your brain will come to life. And if your brain can't focus on something creative, try something mundane. Dusting silk flowers is so boring...your brain will start firing just to keep you awake!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Elizabeth. I don't have silk flowers but there is a tree outside the cave that needs pruning. I'll see if I can make it look dragon-like and what thoughts come from that. Dragon Hugs.
DeleteYou probably haven't had any dragon food, the kind that stimulates the brain. What have you been reading? Food for the brain must have the right attributes as well. Have you had any dragon fruit lately?
ReplyDeleteThe need to contemplate comes from cognitive dissonance, when we feel something isn't quite right (according to our own parameter scale). So, first, report the error message to Dragon central, then look for dragon food. . .be calm and carry on. . .
You might be onto something there. Food for the brain. I think I've been low on that lately. I'll take measures to correct that. Thank you for the advice!
DeleteWe are often more self-aware than we know. I think that in writing this blog bit you came to the truth of this matter all on your own. You said this:
ReplyDeleteI faced a sort of Knight of Mirrors too. My fight with him has lasted about three months. As I struggled with the mirror reflection, I came to accept the truth reflected. This brought me peace, or so I thought. I am not sure because deep inside, there is something, some trace of essence that tells me I am not completely at peace. I am more like sedated. If I were truly at peace, I would be able to think clearer about all those things I like to think about. I would be able to get in contact with the endless source of Life's wisdom and share it with you, like before. But I can't. Not anymore. I'm blinded by the shiny reflections on those mirrors. I am not sure if I am really flying or I'm just deluded to believe so, and I'm actually down in the ground.
So, you looked into your Inner Mirror and saw something and decided that something was "X." And, at first this decision make you feel peaceful, but it didn't last long. I would say that you need to begin again. Go back to the mirror for closer examination. Perhaps the mirrors you were looking into were like those found at a carnival (the ones that make you tall, small, fat, thin) but they aren't "Real." They only seem real if you accept the reality of their "Realness." You accepted a reality that isn't real, I think, because it isn't bringing you peace. If it were truly Real, you would be propelled close to who you really are instead of further away. Things would be MORE clear instead of less so.
I wish you the greatest of success in getting down to the truth of this matter. Hugs, my friend.
Like mirrors in a carnival?....I must write that down. Very similar to what Sia said. About my perspective at the time I looked at them. Maybe the issue wasn't settled yet. Thanks for giving me something to think about. :) Dragon Hugs back at you!
DeleteLike others have already said, I think when we try to find our inner selves we tend to look into funhouse mirrors. The mirrors are reflected back only from our own perspective (unless you're Snow White's evil stepmother). Having said that, I know I have the same struggles as you. I also see that my own mirrors vary from day to day, depending on my mood.
ReplyDeleteOff with their heads! No. That's not quite right...Break all the mirrors in the Kingdom! There. All better now.
Bolitas, my fine dragon friend. Fly and don't be perturbed...and watch out for catapults.
Do I look like Snow White's evil stepmother? Except about outstanding beauty (dragon beauty of course) I don't think so. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest dragon of all? What? The one in the cover of Dragon's Lament? Yeah, break all mirrors. You and I should go dance with the dwarves and play bolitas on them. I bet that will make us both feel better.
DeleteMany Dragon Hugs!
Ohh...can the dwarves wear those sexy new black outfits like they wore for dancing with the ninja? Bolitas all around! :)
DeleteI will make sure they do! :D
DeleteI have no better wisdom to offer than what's been given here. But I give you a hug and remind you that you are beautiful and wonderful in my eyes because you are you-- no other reason needed.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Julie. I really appreciate that. Sometimes dragon also tends to forget it. Hugs, hugs, hugs, and a lot more spam hugs back at you.
DeleteYour wisdom, and your caring are so very evident. To everyone except you it seems. Be kind and gently to yourself. What would you suggest that others do? Now go away and do it for you.
ReplyDeleteKnowing that you cannot fall because you have so many at your back (and front, and sides) to catch you, and support you, and love you.
Hugs.
Too bad there is no grin big enough to include it here. You are very wise too and your words could have come from Father Dragon "The Great" himself. Thank you so very much. You've warmed my dragon heart.
DeleteDisappointment is a hard thing to accept. Even if on the surface we tell ourselves to be realistic and work within our means, deep down the idea of what we wish we had or who we wished we were sits like a horrible reminder of our failings.
ReplyDeleteSome people dwell on these feelings for far too long, they can't help it. Often they turn to religion, or spirituality or meditation to lessen the negative effects. Sometimes family and friends can help (although not mine; mine seem to invent new ways to amplify the feelings).
Ultimately though you have to come to your own place of acceptance. And then find something new to occupy your mind with. When your focus moves off yourself and onto what you're doing, it becomes a lot easier to stop fretting about things, I find.
mood
Moody Writing
I've read your answer three times, Mood, and the last paragraph even more. It encompasses many things that fit my case. I'll have to read it a few more times because it's deeper than it seems. I really appreciate the time you took to reply and I thank you for the insight.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOh, dear, sweet, sensitive, humble, caring, honest, artistic, soulful, and about all, GIVING, Al. Take a step back, BREATHE. Clear your mind. Let your muse inside your heart. You, my lost friend, need to create. Your art is amazing and one, if not, the best outlet for your pain.
ReplyDeleteFrustration is a soul sapper. Believe me I know. I try, fail... try again, fail...and I try again... I rant, and rave over this vicious cycle, BUT I keep going. Beauty is my savior. IT is all around us. Open your eyes, feel your senses, open your heart to it. You'll make it Al. Keep dreaming. Your creative soul needs it. Feed your soul, it is starving.
Yes, I may live in a dream world, but it's my world. I can't do what I used to do anymore, but I find another way to do it. I beat crippling arthritis ... it took me fifteen years to do it. But I am able to walk again. Now it's in my hands. I keep moving. Movement is good for your aches and pains. Even if it's just a short stroll.
Take care, FD... you will ALWAYS be FD... That will never change. We all believe in you and your strong heart and soul.
You are a very brave and inspiring person, Michael. And I honestly admire you, your talents and creativity. And your strength and determination. I shall heed your advice. Thank you very much for your words and for the friendship. Dragon Hugs.
DeleteAlways, Al...
DeleteWe all need our Father Dragon'd fire and light to keep us warm and cozy when the world is cold and cruel....
I echo Michael's thoughts. It's all so very, very difficult sometimes. But from everything I've seen from you, Al, you're such a light. You're SUCH an incredibly STRONG person. You're so giving and kind and fun and special. You've got to trust in yourself. Trust that you have magic to share with the world. I KNOW that you will get through this--and it'll definitely strengthen you, which in return will strengthen everyone you have contact with. Keep pushing---there are miracles ahead!
ReplyDeleteComing from you, it means a lot to me. I know you have faced challenges yourself and you have come out triumphant. Thank you for taking the time to come and offer words of support. They won't go to deaf ears. Dragon hugs.
DeleteI agree with what others have said that maybe you should relax and then your true Inner Dragon will reveal itself again. I think you're looking too hard in these mirrors. It's natural to be introspective, but try to throw yourself into mundane, everyday tasks and things should click back into place while you're not even thinking about it.
ReplyDeleteI am very glad to see you here, Nick. Actually I did so after the mirror session. I tried to spend more time in mundane things than in introspection. And that is where I lost it. Maybe I tried too hard to be mundane. That is a possibility. I must go back to the beginning and walk the trail again, like when you lose your keys. Thanks for coming, Nick. Dragon Hugs.
DeleteAl, maybe isn't a malfunctioning at all. From time to time people encounter these kind of period but I think it's important the way we react. And I guess that is the only knight to fight. I'm not that good at fighting and I cannot give you advise on that! Sorry!
ReplyDeleteBut if it can help, I am too in one of those moments I cannot hear myself talking and when I have three second just for myself I'm just too tired to do something different than sleeping!
It's not encouraging but I can promise you it will pass!
Besos!
You reminded me a quote from a wise man; Captain Jack Sparrow.
Delete"The problem is not the problem.
The problem is your attitude about the problem." :D
Thanks for coming Fran! Glad to see at the Cave.
I'm sorry that you're feeling pain, or a void, or loss of something, Father D. It sounds as though you are becoming more human. While that's likely frightening for a dragon, it's a blessing for the world.
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
The dragon more human?!? You're right. That's frightening, freakening, fretting worth idea. :)
DeleteDragon Hugs!
Maybe sometimes we simply need a break from thinking--and from trying to figure it all out. Maybe there are some things we'll just never know!
ReplyDeleteTrue. I do not try to unravel all mysteries. I just like to think about them. Hahaha, just realized I'm getting philosophic about my lack of philosophy. Thanks for commenting.
DeleteLook inside. See the reflection on your inner child dragon. It reflects the truth. I tell my human, Gary, to listen to his inner child as I listen to my inner puppy. The wisdom lies within.
ReplyDeleteTake strength from the encouragement you receive. All our doubts, our concerns, our worries, our joys, we share together.
In peace, hope and pawsitivity,
Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar :)
Penny dear, bringer of joy and bright thoughts. Thank you for taking the time to come and share your thoughts. The deepest of wisdom is in human's best friends, like Jack Rusell dogs and modest internet superstars.
DeleteDoesn't eating a virgin and bathing in gold medallions clear a dragon's thoughts? Well Sir, all creatures great and small need mental health days. Being such a vast and wise creature, your day may turn into months. Be well my friend, and allow yourself time to just soak up the energy of life around you.
ReplyDeleteYou know what the problem is, my dearest Donna? Virgins are not virgins anymore! ;)
DeleteAs of tomorrow I'll take long baths in the energy of life. Thank you and HUGE Dragon Hugs to you.
Oh, my sweet dragon. I'm sorry you're feeling down. I feel bad now for putting off my visit. I should have stopped by sooner.
ReplyDeleteI don't have an answer for you, other than to say keep your chin up and give this some time. Some of it may be your perception and some of it may be that you're just going through a season, a rut, that you'll eventually find yourself free of. Hang on and don't worry. This will work itself out. Hugs, my friend.
"Does anyone out there know anything about dragon malfunctioning?"
ReplyDeleteAs it happens I live in a village where Saint Serf claimed to have killed a dragon (before he was Saint Serf), and we have a street named The Draygon for that very reason and a Dragon on our schoo badge, but you probably don't want to hear that (the dragon-killing bit)... But, I rather think Saint Serf made the whole thing up, and that there was no dragoon to kill or to cause malfunction in any way, but... things made up can be very powerful. Oh... I know what I am trying to say, but not sure I am saying it. And Hello, by the way (exploring your abode via your link in Sue the Elephant's Child blog). It's interesting in here (but probably better when dwarves are asleep, based on what I know about little people)