"...But somewhere along the line you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you're not good. And when things got hard, you started to look for something to blame..." - Rocky BalboaThe more I meditate about life, the more I realize there is a permanent battle between my brain and my spirit. My spirit speaks of greatness and miracles and endless possibilities. My brain speaks of past wounds, fears, flaws and limitations. My spirit compels me to aim for the sky, my brain plots to chain me to the ground. They fight over the control of my actions and I pay close attention to this war. Today, I share my findings with you.
My brain empowers people to decide not just my worth, but also my capacities and mood. "You make me angry." "They drive me crazy." "This disheartens me." Any of this sound familiar? It does to me.
One of my life teachers (who is a professional clown) once told me, "No one can make you angry. You allow them to make you angry."
Upset, I replied "It's the same shit."
"No, it is not. The first statement gives you an excuse and someone to blame. The second one makes you 100% responsible."
I look upon myself and then I look around me. It's amazing how we've abandoned the responsibility of ourselves, our dreams, our emotions and hope to other people, to circumstances and to chance. Most of us do not take action. We react to what comes our way. We set our limits according to others' opinions and we do have many places to point fingers at when the going gets tough.
My grandfather, Father Dragon "The Great", used to say: "Just remember every time you point one finger, three fingers are pointing back at you."
"...You, me, nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But it ain't matter of how hard you can hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!"- Rocky Balboa.Did you know that in life-threatening situations, those who panic and lose hope are more likely to die? Did you know that the attitude is a critical factor for any disease to heal or get worse? But keeping a positive attitude when it seems the world is collapsing on your head is little less than impossible. On those times, I have needed every ounce of will just to achieve the next breath, let alone not getting mad or crying. It was just cover my head and hope the next blow would not knock me out cold.
"It's all over. We're so very screwed. Just drop and die!" My brain would scream.
My spirit, however, says different. "There is a reason for this and it is NOT for you to dig your own grave. Don't hide. Face it! Fight it! Win!"
In times when even thinking requires energy one doesn't have, I found useful to focus on a single thought. Just one. "I'm gonna make it." How? Don't know. When? Doesn't matter. I just KNOW I'm gonna make it through. Why? Because I'm that stubborn and determined. No night, no storm, no disaster, no winter lasts forever.
Determination alone won't give you all answers or make the pain go away or make things easier. But it is the critical factor between those who cross the ocean and those who die trying.
"Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits. And not point fingers and say you weren't what you wanted to be because of him, or her or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that!" - Rocky Balboa.You wouldn't believe how many times I've repeated these words to myself in the last three months. I'm sure those who have multiple voices in their heads will understand perfectly. That would be all the writers. I have artistic, life and spiritual goals. I work on daily tasks leading to those goals. At the end of the day, I meditate on how many tasks I did and how many I missed or failed. One voice in my head immediately comes up with a long list of
Grandmother dragon loved to say "My darling, to the bad musician even the fingernails are a problem." It's an old Mexican saying and it means when you're not willing to do something right, you will always have an excuse ready.
I've seriously wondered lately if I might be becoming too stern for my own good. I've meditated deeply about it, as I search for inner peace. There is a voice in my heart. A wise, peaceful, kind voice answering... "No. You are just becoming responsible for your actions. You're re-educating your brain and starting to believe in yourself." I really hope so.
This post is part of the IWSG, created by Alex J. Cavanaugh. We post the first Wednesday of each month. Thanks to Julie, Rachna, Ilima and Beverly, the gracious co-hosts of this month.