Striving for Excellence or Addiction to Struggle

Some people love challenges. Some people fear challenges. There are those who are called adrenaline junkies. Whenever I see a guy risking his life in extreme sports I wonder why they do that. I can't help to think they are just suicidal and shake my head at them.

Two days ago my perspective on these people changed. Two days ago I made the decision to participate in the A to Z Challenge. Although I thought it was a great concept and idea, I was also reluctant.

Everything in this world has its counterpart. You know, the Ying and Yang. There is good and there is evil. There is light and there is darkness; Hot and Cold, Firm and Changing, etc. All humans also have their counterparts. Some may realize where they are, some may not but this discovery is each person's job. Dragons don't mess with that (to some extent.) In any case, we also have our counterpart. I call it the Dragon Slayer. He represents all the things that cause me conflict, fear, anger, and more often than not, pain.  The Dragon Slayer and I have fought endless battles against each other for centuries. I have many battle scars to prove it, seen and unseen. The field for excellence where we've fought for years now is my health. Sometimes he wins terrain, sometimes I win. We battle every single day.

Dragon Slayer makes propositions "of peace". If I give up fighting for some things, pain will cease. It's really a ruse. There is always a catch, and the price to pay is higher in the end. My ninja muse is my Lady of War. Her challenges and ideas, although difficult, are always part of a major strategy against the Dragon Slayer. It's like S.E.A.L training. She faces me with my fears, so I attempt to defeat them, control them or solve them. If I do, the Dragon Slayer looses another ace in our war.

That's why I said she laughs at the face of my fear, and I laugh at her laughter. Nevertheless, I am not immune to fear and pain and that's why I hesitate to take up the challenges.

In the A to Z case, the points that drew me back were,

1. It requires commitment. (I don't make plans. How a day comes depends on my war with Dragon Slayer)
2. It requires time. (Same as above. If I am losing a combat, I might not have time.)
3. It requires to write on demand. (I don't know how to call on creativity at will.)
4. Many people will read you. (This is both Yeepiii and Arggh to a dragon secluded from people for  many years. I am only used to dwarves and a selected knights.)

Above all things, I never break my word once I have engaged it. It is a matter of honor. Father Dragons don't take their honor lightly. But as Captain Jack Sparrow said, "The problem is not the problem but your attitude about the problem." In this case, the challenge is not the challenge but the effort that involves for me to enter and do it. I have to manage to stay up of things for a month. Two days ago I was up. Now Dragon Slayer won the upper land. I must regroup and regain my position.

I have signed up on the challenge. My word is engaged and I shall keep it. This is like extreme sports for me. If someone would ask me why I do this to myself, my answer is:

"Because it feels darn good when you conquer and defeat your fears."

So have you signed up for a challenge? Have you found where is your counterpart? Do you need a Dwarf Cheering Squad?