THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF LEGOLAS

Day One:

Went to Council of Elrond. Was prettiest person there. Agreed to follow some

tiny little man to Mordor to throw ring into volcano. Very important

mission - gold ring so tacky.

Day Four:

Boromir so irritating. Why must he wear big shield like dinner plate all the

time? Climbed up Caradhras but wimpy humans who cannot walk on snow insisted

we climb back down.

Am definitely prettiest member of the Fellowship. Go me!

Day Six:

Far too dark in Mines of Moria to brush hair properly. Am very afraid I am

developing a tangle.

Orcs so silly.

Still the prettiest.

Day Ten:

Gandalf fell into shadow. In other news, I think I am developing a spot on

my nose. very serious situation, as Elven spots likely to last for 500 years

or more.

Still prettiest, despite blasted spot.

Day Eleven:

In Lothlorien. Suspect Galadriel may be prettier than me.

Also, am quite sure she copied my hairstyle. I was wearing that same look at

least 1,000 years ago. Silly bint. She was most annoyed that I used her

mirrored fountain to take a nice bubble bath.

I choose to ignore her claim that my hair clogged her drain. Not one strand

of my hair has fallen out in 800 years, why would it start now?

Still prettiest by far.

Day 30:

All this paddling about in boats is hell on my complexion.

Aragorn obviously starting to find Frodo strangely attractive. Sam will kill

him if he tries anything.

Still the prettiest.

Day 33 :

Boromir tempted by Ring. So tedious. Cannot be tempted myself, as already

have everything I want i.e. perfect hair and a butt like granite.

Have been getting very strange letters from someone calling herself "Stacey"

who wants to do obscene things to my elfhood. Fortunately have super-duper

elf vision so can run away if I see her coming.

Day 35:

Boromir dead. Very messy death, most uncessesary. Did get kissed by Aragorn

as he expired. Does a guy have to get shot full of arrows around here to get

any action? Boromir definitely not prettier than me. Cannot understand it.

Am feeling a pout coming on.

Frodo off to Mordor with Sam. Tiny little men caring about each other,

rather cute really.

Am quite sure Gimli fancies me. So unfair. He is waist height, so can see

advantages there, but chunky braids and big helmet most offputting. Forsee

dark times ahead, very dark times.