Going through the wall /this week's progress

I was expecting to do at least a hundred quick sketches this past week but I did 27 or so. I'll choose to see the glass half full. At least you can tell what the pose is in most of them, if not all. I asked Mother Dragon to tell me what was each model doing but she couldn't figure some of them. I think they would be better if I could just hold the pencil like I'm used to, but nope. I'm learning to draw using the shoulder instead of only the wrists, according Proko's drawing lessons. Right now the new grip makes my strokes sloppy. (Yeah, dragon, blame the grip).

It is worth to notice that drawing for me right now is like the best meditation exercise I can have. When I'm doing this I forget all stress and concerns and I feel at peace for as long as the practices last. In order to not make all the post only about my still mediocre practices, I'm going to tell you why I welcome this fleeting peace.

Some of you might remember I neglected this blog because I was out pursuing my dream. I had a plan full of smaller plans and I had momentum. I was sure I would make it because success is for those who work hard. Or isn't that what everyone say?

Well, I worked really really hard; harder than I've done in centuries.... and I didn't make it. One by one, my plans and goals collapsed and crashed before me. All of them. Effort of years became meaningless and strategies worthless. By the Sacred Fire, it hurt worst than a wind lance. I guess you've been there at one time in your life. Not shot by a wind lance but you know how it feels that despite your best efforts, everything goes to the gutter.

Probably it wouldn't have been so difficult to digest if all bad things wouldn't have happened within a short period of time. I was dealing with serious health issues when I got school issues, work issues, relationship issues, and the pressure of it all just kept building up until the explosion was heard all the way to the Dragon Dimension. And it left me in an extremely bad shape. I had to abandon school, put a hold on many other things and try to salvage priorities, like work and my life. Probably that should be the other way around, although at that moment I cared more about work than about my life.


 The good thing about dragons is how resilient they are. Otherwise we wouldn't live for centuries. And you know, the hardest part of us is not the scales that armor our bodies. It's the inner fire that armors our spirit. Dragons have a battling spirit. Dragons would rather be consumed by our own fire, becoming a walking inferno in a last attempt of conquering the enemy, than giving in to darkness and die in shame. The best of dragons have an honor that is unheard of in this modern world. And for that honor, we go beyond our limits.

I don't have new plans yet. I have not put myself together yet. But there are two things that are very clear to me. 1. I know what I want to get. 2. I am a dragon.

When all doors close, when all windows are blocked, a dragon will get through the wall. This is me pushing the debris aside. It doesn't look pretty right now, but one day it will, in all senses.

Dragon Hugs!

Permission to suck

I was twenty years old when I drew this for a close friend of mine. I had NEVER took any drawing classes before. I didn't know anything about anatomy or proportion or anything like that. I had the reference and the pencil and I just did it.

Twenty years later I worked for a group of nice Canadian engineers and I did this for one of my bosses. It was meant to convey his temper and business skills and he and his peers thought it suited him perfectly. Still, no drawing or art classes of any kind. It was just sheer innate talent. I mean, having no instruction at all and pulling something like that must have its merit.

It's worth to notice here that I copied from references I was given. However, whenever I tried to draw something from imagination, it was absolutely awful. I've improved through centuries but still one can tell the difference between those things I've done by copying references and things I've done out of my imagination (like my dwarves). There's a huge gap there. Well, may be they are not TOO bad, but they could be much better than this.

Anyway, it's been difficult to get some drawing theory from A to Z because when I started drawing, I dove in at Q or something like that, and it did look fairly good.

Now that I'm trying to start from A, it looks terrible and I have a problem with it. However, I've come to understand that I do need to start from A and go all the way through, in the order it is meant to be, so I can start doing cool things that are completely mine. Things that I didn't copy on the most part from some other picture. I know I am good a copying. Not that it matters but in my early years I even considered making a career out of forgery of classic masterpieces. Instead of the Thomas Crown affair, it would be the Father Dragon affair, hahahaha.

Anyway, I want to do things right but in order to do that, I am beginning to understand I have to give myself permission to royally suck, with capital letters, like this.



Presumably, they are 30 second quick gesture drawings. If you don't know what Gesture is, you can take a look at this video by Proko (which by the way, is great!). Yet, I look at my attempts and all I can think is "I suck, I suck, I suck". Odd enough, for the first time there is another voice in my head that answers "so what? so what? so what?" Here I am looking at my messy lines and honestly not caring that much that they are uuugly. I've cared too much for centuries, and I think it was that excessive caring that scared me away of way too many starts in the past.  I am not getting any younger and it is really sad and terrible to get to old age with regrets.  It is a million times better to give oneself permission to suck, in order to try something, that going to the grave with the regrets of what you didn't try out of fear or shame or what people will say if...

I'm giving myself permission to suck and I'm gonna brag about how much I suck by posting my ugly drawings here, just for a change. Why not? It's my cave and I am a fire dragon. How many are willing to tell a fire dragon he can't post ugly drawings in his cave? Besides, for some mysterious reason, these ugly drawings make me feel very good about myself. That alone makes them GRREAT drawings, don't you think?

Dragon Hugs!