Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Tales from the Cave

It's probably not your bedtime yet, but nevertheless here is Father Dragon to tell you a story. You know I have dwarves as minions but what you probably don't know is that they like to eat beans as much as they like gummy bears and beer. Personally, I rather have them eat gummy bears all day long instead of beans, because... well, as tasty as beans may be, they are infamous because they are difficult to digest for many people. My dwarves are not the exception and beans also give them gas. This is not only a matter of digestion difficulties, you see? It is not a problem of how smelly my dwarves can get around me. After all I smell to Sulphur No. 5 myself. However, can you imagine what happens if you put a fire dragon in a gas loaded environment?  Anyone can see beans are banned from the dwarves' diet because of Cave's safety - anyone but a stubborn knight.

It was a sunny and clear day (such a good way to start a tale) when it occurred to me the splendid idea to hire a knight for a tech adviser/desk help. As a dragon who was born 805 years ago, I'm not good with technology and dwarves are not much better. As a wealthy magnificent dragon as I am, not cheap at all, I offered said knight a monthly paycheck for an amount with ten zeroes. He agreed and took the job without reading the contract. Probably that was due to the fact that I forgot to give him one but anyway, it was taken for granted the dragon was the boss and the knight should do as the dragon says. He found out the dwarves' weakness for beans and he took joy in feeding them with beans despite being told repeatedly not to, mostly after minor explosions and one or two unlucky beings standing in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I thought the knight in question had stopped his mischief, more so because he wasn't in his office much. One day I noticed I was missing some dwarves and they were nowhere to be found. I also noticed I hadn't seen the knight around in a long while. And then my brilliant mind discovered -by nice interrogation- that the knight kept feeding beans to the dwarves behind my back but the little devils covered him too. They avoided incriminatory explosions by holding the gas in, until it finally happened. They were lighter than air and they took off. I saw my gassy dwarves and the gassy-dwarves kidnapper in golden armor laughing as they flew across the sky. I am not sure how long it will take them to come back but I am sure this is not the first time this sort of flights take place.

If you happen to look up one day and see something strange; it is not a plane, it is not a bird and it is not Superman. It is my former tech adviser knight with my disobedient dwarves having a blast.

Dragon Hugs and don't feed beans to the dwarves!


  1. Big smiles.
    Thank you.
    No beans here. None, nada, zip.

  2. Nope, I have always given the dwarves Gummy Bears. The beer wouldn't help either, wine would be better for them. I do hope your dwarves and the knight return in great shape.

  3. I bet it's even worse if you give the dwarves beans after midnight.
    Was the knight Sir David? Because we haven't seen him in a while...

  4. Dwarves eat beans to fuel their dreams
    Fed by a knight for pure delight
    They dare not waste such savory taste
    To catch a flight in broad daylight
    And sail with glee for all to see
    In skies so bright with sneaky knight
    They've never blamed the knight unnamed
    And never bother their dragon Father
    They do not blame when comes the flame
    Igniting gas out from their a$$. ;-)

    Beans are good
    Beans are grand
    Oh lookie there
    Another brand!

    1. Way to go Sir Jeff. I wondered if you were the culprit or Sir David. Love your poem.

    2. Hahahaha. Clever, Sir Jeff. Very clever indeed!

    3. I couldn't agree more! Well done, Sir Jeff!

    4. Always gratifying to get kudos!
      I'm smiling wide and holding my nose!

  5. Hi Father Dragon .. it's good to see you've put your writing hand out of the cave - and those dwarves ... I hope they don't come back to pester you with smells from outa' space ... take care and all the best - Hilary

  6. Who would've known that dwarves liked beans, fueling them into another dimension. I think it is best not to eat so many beans for fear of combustion. Losing sight of what is the true mission. I guess they are off to the land of the Red Dwarf, hard to see with the naked eye.

    How are you Father Dragon?

    1. Besides deflating dwarves, I am doing good, thank you very much. The land of the Red Dwarf sounds familiar. Where is it?

    2. The land of the Red Dwarf is within the Milky Way, full of high energy flares..hmm maybe, a dragon could take me there.

      I am glad you are doing good :)

  7. Oh, look! They're all puffy!
    Makes me want to take a pin and pop 'em. :D

  8. Nice to see you mischievous again, FD.... Keep smiling and make sure those dwarves stay away from those beans!

  9. I did see something fly over yesterday. I had no idea it was the dwarves!

  10. LOL! Too funny!

    I love beans! Growing up, we referred to them as "lifesavers"...when the cupboards were bare you could always rely on a pot of beans to save the day.

    (((Ubuntu Hugs)))

  11. My grandfather used to sing a little ditty about "the musical fruit". Not quite accurate but it rhymed with "toot". He would have gotten along well with your dwarves, although I think he was a bit heavy to take flight.

  12. Good advice Al and it reminded me of the hilarious scene in Blazing Saddles. "I think you boys have had enough!"